Whining and dining
Makgwesha Jacob Mothupi The prospects of dating a woman who is five years younger are … shall I say … um? Exactly, right? Unconditionally outlandish, mind you! I typed “prospects”, because it would be unusually circumstantial that fate would somewhat wish to bless one with a flood of youthful constipation to tame then release back to that beautiful shithole called FUN. It may be a result of snootiness on my part but post-26 years of age, it’s a stage where one should drink, question and jerk more; think and shit less, right? Not a time to declare one’s heartfelt feelings towards your unequal. Yes, unequal! Because at this phase if your woman constantly – and reluctantly – refers to your library collection as a recreation for the dying, toothless and aging at sanatoriums, then you have a bigger problem in your hands than when you are in possession of Viagra. Let’s not despair men. There’s a chance of meeting someone who can attest to your boredom … a woman your age. But wait, why in the first place would you consider hanging yourself before time. It’s overly optimistic as skinny dipping in a public swimming with families around! Because your equal, unlike the unequal, is there to diminish whatever little frail of youth you may still desperately be hanging to. Their mission is to keep you young and “responsible” as long as possible. It sounds illogical for it is. You are expected to act as an adult infused with a mind of child, an abiding one: come back home before 8PM, clean after your mess and sometimes offer a shoulder to cry on. I’d suggest not thinking of this horrendous situation in terms of eternity. Failure to do so may exacerbate irreparable damage to your looming prostate. Think of it as a step closer to your mother. You are being taught to embellish everything you once despised about maternal patriarchy (if such a thing indeed does exist). As man of the house, not man of your house, big difference, nothing is expected of you from your equal that she doesn’t own yet. In other words, her will is your command. Let me elaborate. As man of the house, your duty is to leave everything in her control but do expect to be accused of being uncaring and absent when things finally go wrong. As the man of your house, anticipate incompetency, inconsistency and dissatisfaction with everything she decides to put however little effort and mind to it. Typing this as man I guess it’d be safe to carefully speculate here in case our feminist friends start raising their eyebrows – assuming they didn’t shave them off? Yes? So dating a mature woman is preposterously an immature thing for any man to even comprehending embarking on such a nerve-wracking undertaking. Clearly she achieved all the running around she needed to the day men stopped chasing after women and began driving to them. Obviously that spells maturity. Yet for some of us men it was simply a way to get you to your destination quicker without the running around. And, the latter should inevitably replicate into everything that would arise suspicion about his character; which is he’s easy as his breakfast: a glass of beer over last night’s leftover pizza. Widget is loading comments...
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